You Don’t Know How It Feels

I’m listening to a playlist on iTunes that I just call “Favourite Songs” as I pack for my cousin’s wedding in Vancouver. Right now, it’s Tom Petty’s “You Don’t Know How It Feels,” the next song is Neko Case’s “In California,” and at least I’m not listening to The Raconteurs again.

My dress that I ordered online hasn’t shown up yet and I’m afraid it won’t get here before I have to leave on Friday. And I’m not sleeping again. The week I had the drugs was good but I’m always so stoned in the mornings, which makes it even harder to get through the already hard days that I decided I’d stop taking them until I really needed them again.

I wish I knew when I’d feel better. I wish I knew where the end of it all would be. I guess that’s how it goes, right? I do feel more myself. But my heart’s not in a lot of things. I turned in a manuscript that wasn’t great — no that needs a lot of work — and I haven’t looked at the novel in weeks.

September just disappeared. Whoosh and then it’s fall and colder and I have no fresh vegetables and nothing growing and my stomach won’t settle and I miss so many different pieces of my life that I don’t even know where to start putting them all back together again.

I think I’ll start tagging these posts “gloomy gus” and maybe I’ll start trying to find things a little more inspiring to talk about. Wait, I’ve got one — there will be dancing at the wedding. I love dancing.

#58 – Ritual

Oh, Mo Hayder, I should not read your books when I am at home alone with only two cats for protection. But once I picked up Ritual, I could not put it down and if that’s not the sign of a great, plot-driven book, I don’t know what is.

When a hand washes up unannounced and with no body attached, Sgt. Flea Marley, a member of the police dive unit in Bath, and her CID (I think?) Caffrey unravel a complex and shocking case founded in the immigrant experience in England. Their investigation uncovers an underground market for muti that soon becomes focus of their policework. Muti, African rituals brought from the continent to England that broker in human body parts and fear (among the believers), forms the basis for Hayder to bring race, class and colonialism into her work, and the book is all the better for it.

Yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down with Ms. Hayder for an interview that’ll appear on The Savvy Reader later this week. A self-described autodidact, Hayder researches carefully but not without really great instincts, and in Ritual she’s written a daring and addictive thriller that has echoes of Henning Mankell. When I walked into the room, I said, “Your book scared the pants off of me!” She laughed and replied, “Good!” And it’s true, there’s an element of fear that pervades the entire novel: people (even the police) are being watched, stalked even, and no one seems untouched by tragedy. Both main characters are broken in some way from major life events that alter their perspectives; Flea’s parents are dead and Caffery lost a brother at a very young age. Yet, as ‘outsiders’ in a way (they’re also lonely and have little true human contact with other people), the tragedies are exactly what make Flea and Caffery good at their jobs.

Subtitled “A Walking Man novel,” Ritual introduces a character who will appear in upcoming books. He’s a man who lives outside, cooks his own food, follows his own path, and is kind of a sooth-sayer for Caffery. Yet, the Walking Man also has a past. He committed one of the most heinous crimes the district has ever seen and now that he’s paid his debt to society, he’s determined to stay at its edges. Captivating, creepy, smart and ridiculously readable, I loved Ritual. Although I have to say that the fellow standing next to me on the subway yesterday must have thought I was reading something utterly disturbing. Every time I’d look up from my book he’d give me a sweet little smile trying to make me feel a bit better because I was honestly scared out of my wits and it must have shown on my face.

#57 – American Wife

I stayed in bed far too late this morning finishing Curtis Sittenfeld‘s American Wife. As it’s no secret, the novel fictionalizes the life of an American First Lady, and is loosely based on the life of Laura Bush. Alice Lindgren grows up in a small town in Wisconsin, goes to high school, college, and then settles down for a quiet life as a librarian of a primary school. She meets Charlie Blackwell, a happy-go-lucky sort of fellow at a party, and he pursues her somewhat recklessly. As boisterous as she is quiet, Charlie and Alice make an unlikely couple, but they fall into a traditional kind of love, marry, and have a daughter, Ella. Coming from a political family, Charlie (as one can guess) becomes president and Alice’s life takes a turn she never asked for nor expected.

Yet, the politics are not even the point of Curtis Sittenfeld’s utterly captivating novel. At it’s heart, I think American Wife is the story of a life. The novel creates a rich, deeply felt, deeply thought examination of the human experience as it grows from childhood into adulthood as told from the point of view of one remarkable woman. Throughout the novel, the irony of her position is never lost on Alice, and it’s as if Sittenfeld imagines a woman holding her tongue for decades just waiting for the right moment to let everything out. Alice has always been a reader; it’s the quality that most defines her, as does her dignity, her intelligence and her (sometimes) naiveté. The book is epic in its scope of Alice’s story; it leaves no part unexplored, and the subject is at once freeing as it is limiting.

When Alice is a teenager, experiencing if not the first blush of true love than something definitely close to it, a tragedy happens that takes hold and defines her life, as many unexpected events tend to do. The events around the tragedy snowball and dig further into her psyche. She makes mistakes. And then she makes more mistakes. But they are the events that lead her to Charlie in the first place and it’s a happy life, overall. That’s not to say that there isn’t a questioning that runs through the course of the events. Alice questions everything: her good fortune, her own politics (she’s a Democrat; Charlie’s a Republican), her marriage, and her own values. That’s not to say that she ever stops loving her husband. There’s simply a recognition that after decades of marriage the nature of a relationship changes, evolves, and then sometimes reverts to its previous incarnations.

I can’t pretend to dislike anything about the book. The structure works (each major section follows Alice’s addresses, from her childhood home to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) and the character is so fully realized that it’s almost refreshing to read. If I had to make one comment (because no reviewer can fail to make one critical note), it’s that the dialogue at times felt stilted and forced, but when you’re attacking an idea that’s so honest and, well, original, one can fault the author for falling down ever-so-slightly when it comes to the banality of everyday conversations. Regardless, the book is its strongest at the beginning and at the end, and there’s a particularly poignant section about the impact of fame upon someone who has never once in their life craved to be famous.

American Wife is a fascinating book, one that cements Sittenfeld’s already firm place as one of the most refreshing talents working today. I had the pleasure of having lunch with her a few years ago while I was working at Random House, and it doesn’t mean that I know her nor even pretend to do so, but the one piece of writing advice she gave that day has stuck with me for the last three years: “If one sentence can be that good, all of the sentences can be that good.” Sittenfeld admits that it’s not even her advice to give, that it came from a professor she had while she was in Iowa, but in the end it doesn’t matter because it’s glaringly apparent that she’s mastered many, many sentences, and I’m more than willing to read every single one.

Today A Top 10 List

Wow, it’s been a while since I ragdoll-rambled a top 10 list and, while I’m not feeling 100% myself these days, maybe it’s just what I need:

1. Friday Night Lights only available in the US UNTIL FEBRUARY. If this isn’t a call for, ahem, a little ill-eagle downloading I don’t know what is, I just hope they don’t arrest me before catching (SPOILER) a little Lyla / Riggins romp.

2. Other things I’ve noticed about television: the Walkers fight way too much, everyone on SVU is a ham bone, and the woman from Fringe is seriously annoying (but PACEY. Sigh). And many of the new shows this year are lacking in direction, like True Blood (which I’m only watching now so I can see Brad “The Iceman” Colbert).

3. Doesn’t the word GOOP just inspire to you to want to “do better” and “be better” or does it just say WTF is Gwyneth Paltrow on? And who extensively designs a web site all in flash and then doesn’t proceed to upload ANY content. So it’s a lifestyle-type magazine site with one paragraph repeated over and over again in every channel. Content is so king. Whatevs GP, oohhh, maybe it stands for Gwyneth on on Paltrow? Or Go Poop? Because all of that makes sense. Not. (props to Zesty for the link).

4. I hate the new EW redesign. If I wanted to subscribe to Us Weekly, I would have subscribed to US Weekly. I’ve given it a few months and I might not renew my subscription purely out of the fact that it’ll make it that much easier to skip Diablo Cody’s “column.” Meow. I know.

5. Curtis Sittenfeld is one hell of a farking good writer. More on this tk once I finish American Wife, which is one of the best books I’ve read in a long, long time.

6. I am going to be a band widow for a month minus about 5 days. That’s a long time.

7. The Fall makes me want to drink tea.

8. I’ve listened to The Raconteurs concert on NPR about sixteen thousand times. It’s getting so that I know the live versions of the songs better than the recorded ones and get confused in my sing-a-longs. I know one thing for sure: there will be a lot of Racon-racket this month as I can play it as much as I want with my RRHB on the road with the band.

9. My latest abridged classic might honestly be the death of me. I’m 5k words over, two weeks passed the deadline (there were extenuating circumstances), and my fingers have never hurt so much in my entire life.

10. Today my RRHB had our new backdoor and transom installed. He also built a new garage roof. The house is definitely coming together. At least that’s what Astrology Zone keeps telling me will happen this month. I need some good news from the stars. September just about cracked me in half like a nut at Christmas.

US Writers Too "Insular" For Nobel Prize

While skimming stuff for The Savvy Reader this morning, this article came up through Publisher’s Lunch. I know the Nobel Prize pretty much defines big “L” literature, but don’t you think that it’s small minded to cut out a major driving force in big “C” culture for being too insular is kind of insular of them? I’m the first person to defend the need a broad reading base from all cultures and to be honoured with a Nobel Prize for Literature is pretty much the icing on the cake in terms of one’s career. But I feel kind of bad for the wonderful writers being (for lack of a better word) discriminated against by the sheer fact of their geography and/or subject matter.

Dennis Lehane – On Characters

I’m a little in love with Dennis Lehane after watching this video where he talks about his new book, The Given Day. It’s always interesting to hear writers talk about their work but it’s my favourite when they talk about their characters as just showing up in their imagination and walking onto the pages of whatever book they’re working on at that particular moment.

It only happened to me once in the draft of the novel that I finished this past spring, but the character who did show up made quite the impression on my friend Randy in my writer’s group. I think he had a little crush on her. And I hope he’s not mad at me for saying so.

#56 – Skeletons At The Feast

More often than not, the novels of Chris Bohjalian have some sort of moral core at the basis of the narrative. I think that’s why I enjoy his books so much; they’re a little like morality tales slipped inside really good storytelling. As a result, I read a lot of Bohjalian and count The Buffalo Soldier among one of my favourite books by a living American writer. I didn’t damn Oprah for introducing me to Bohjalian; instead, I let her pull me into him like a tight hug. He’s one of the authors where I used to go to the “B” section in the bookstores looking for new titles (before I knew my way around the internets and browsed in a non-virtual environment).

Therefore, I was happy to see a new title of his this spring, Skeletons at the Feast, and sat down eagerly to read it (after letting it sit on my shelf, I’ll admit, for a couple of months because I’m busy dammit!). Bohjalian’s a “purely for pleasure” kind of a read. The novel doesn’t satisfy any challenges. The books are afternooners, and I’m always happily surprised by their twist endings.

Skeletons at the Feast, though, is unlike any other Bohjalian book I’ve read. It’s as emotionally impactful as The Buffalo Soldier and as epic as, say, Snow Falling on Cedars. As the Emmerich family prepares to leave the only home they’ve ever known, the end of the Second World War approaches. A wealthy Prussian family that runs a huge farm, they are luckier than most in that they’ve remained somewhat on the outskirts of the war. They’ve made sacrifices (the eldest brother is off fighting for the majority of the book; a ghost within the narrative itself, his story told through memory and referral) but in the months that follow, their lives will change beyond belief.

Displaced by the crumbling German empire and about to be overrun by Russians, legions of people set out on foot, walking west toward the Allied lines in order to escape the unspeakable horrors of what happens when they meet “Ivan.” Mutti, Anna, Theo, and Callum, their POW (a Scottish paratrooper assigned to the farm where they lived to help with the labour) set off on foot with their father and Anna’s twin brother, Helmut. Toward the beginning of the novel, Anna’s father and brother separate from the group, as the two men are called into action. They leave the trio with Callum hidden underneath the horses’ oats and head to the front. For everyone in the book, this journey is long, hard and not without its losses.

The powerful stories of two other main characters are intertwined with the Emmerich’s: there’s Uri, a young Jewish man who made a desperate escape and has been hiding among his enemies for much of the war, begins to travel with the family after meeting them on the road; and Cecile, a young Jewish girl who is forced to walk west with the rest of the starving, poorly dressed, and desperate members of her concentration camp as the Germans try to outrun defeat and shield their atrocities from the eyes of the world. The moment in the novel when all three stories come together as one, and the characters all cross each other’s paths if you will, leads the book (obviously) to its conclusion.

Bohjalian writes effectively of the horrors of war, but you get the sense that some of his characters maybe aren’t as fully formed as one might hope. Callum, the Scottish fellow, suffers the most from this, and his dialogue is often stilted, stereotypical and a little unbelievable (who says “chap” except in the movies?). The heart of the novel is the love story between Callum and Anna, the Emmerich’s daughter, and it’s fine, really just what you’d expect. But I adored the character of Uri, his moral centre, his ability to shapeshift, his utter sense of survival. I guess I look forward to Bohjalian’s novels to bring a different sense of events to his novels and Skeletons at the Feast, while by no means a bad book, maybe just didn’t live up to my own expectations of his work. That’s not the writer’s fault — he’s delivered a powerful, riveting, emotionally intense novel about a horrifying experience. It’s war from the point of view of those who are surrounded by it, of those who are destroyed by it, those who must survive after the guns are down and treaties are signed.

To end, I would recommend the book, and it would be great for book clubs, but it hasn’t claimed the prize as my all-time favourite of his books, The Buffalo Soldier still reigns supreme. And I have but one other bone to pick: what on earth is up with the cover of a young girl with short brown hair on a summer’s day looking out over a field? What about that spells “victims of war driven to desperate lengths to save their lives as their world collapses about them”? Boo, I say, boo!

WHAT’S UP NEXT: I started Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife yesterday on the ride home. I’m already loving it. Can you tell right now I’m reading only for pure pleasure? But I guess under the circumstances, it’s a wonder I’m reading at all, right?

#55 – The Flying Troutmans

At first, I wasn’t so sure. Not sure about the story, not sure about the characters, not sure about anything. And then I was. Sure about it all. About how much I loved Hattie and Thebes and Logan and all the crazy characters they meet on the way. About Min and her tenuous grip on reality. About the road trip and the broken down van and the desperate journey Hattie takes before truly finding out who she is and why she’s doing what she’s doing.

Miriam Toews writes in an almost Beat-like fashion in this novel while obviously putting her own touches on it and ending up with a truly original road book in The Flying Troutmans. To say anymore would be to give something away. I don’t even want to link to the cover copy because I think it’s better not to know anything other than the fact that Miriam Toews is one hell of a writer before cracking the spine. Trust me.

But I will say this: the whole book reads like a road trip. Strange and kind of uncomfortable at first then after so many kilometres it finds its own rhythm. Places whiz by and your mind goes off on a trip of its own. And it’s all good. Things always happen on the road. Things you don’t expect. People you don’t think you’re going to meet. Places you have no expectations about seeing. And despite the circumstances behind Hattie’s road trip (she takes off with Logan, her 15-year-old nephew, and Thebes, her 11-year-old niece, after her sister’s admission to the psych ward), it’s a good experience. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard or bittersweet or painful or funny or difficult or gut-wrenching or sad or blissful or any number of adjectives. It means that the end result is satisfying.

And the ending. Well, the ending truly rocks. And right now I wish there was a Thebes in my life making me a huge novelty cheque.

READING CHALLENGES: The Flying Troutmans is part of my “For the Ladies” version of this year’s Canadian Book Challenge. I’m pretty sure I’m at #4 now. Only 8 more books to go!

Goodness, Sad Films Much?

Perhaps not the best way to stave off impending gloom and doom would be to watch two of the most depressing films I’ve ever seen: Then She Found Me (Helen Hunt’s directorial debut) and Snow Angels. The first finds its 39-year-old heroine finally enjoying a bit of happiness, a new marriage, a quest for a child, and a solid career as a teacher until one night when it all comes tumbling down around her. The only light at the end of the tunnel is a new relationship with a semi-psychotic fellow played by Colin Firth. There’s a lot of yelling and stupid decisions in the film, which isn’t entirely terrible, and I do adore any bit of Bette Midler. When she arrives to inject even more trouble into April’s (Helen Hunt) life, there’s a least a bit of a “light at the end of the tunnel” feeling to the picture. Annnywaaay, it’s a truly sad film, even if it does have a somewhat happy ending. And as EW pointed out, it’s nice to see a woman naturally age on film, even if Hunt’s playing down her looks to accentuate the dowdy, downtrodden nature of her character.

So, let’s add an even sadder chaser to the mix: Snow Angels. Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell play a couple that have seen better times and are now separated. Whether it’s his drinking problem or his truly irritating use of scripture that split them up, it’s irrelevant because no matter how hard he tries, they’re certainly not getting back together. When tragedy (see, similar themes!) strikes, the two fall even further apart until the film comes to its ridiculous conclusion. To be honest, it was a bit too long too, as I kept falling asleep toward the end. And so dire. And dark. And bewildering. And kind of ridiculous.

But goodness, despite great performances all around, I wouldn’t suggest watching these two films in such close proximity to one another while you’re alone for the weekend and can barely make it out of your pajamas. Thank Mother Earth for gardening is all I have to say or I wouldn’t have left the house once all weekend.

Slipping Now, Not Bending

I am afraid that all of the stress and pressure of the last few weeks is costing my head a fair bit of sanity. Over the last many, many years, I’ve managed to hold off the black dogs of depression. I know the difference in my head (as exemplified by three courses of prednisone to treat the disease) between depression and plain old sadness, and I’m trying hard to hold on to the latter before it slips away into the former.

Not sleeping is always the start but that’s coming around now and I’ve had three good nights. Then a prolonged illness doesn’t help (almost two weeks and counting with this damned bronchitis). And add to that all the personal and professional (for lack of a better word) trauma, I kept sending notes to my friends this week saying that not only do I feel besieged, but that I might just crack in two.

So, I’m making lists. I have a hard time leaving the house in the morning filled up with dread at what’s going to happen next. What shoe or ball or other cursed thing might drop and throw me right off course. Deep breaths, right?