Things are getting better. I saw the SFDD this week, and while my bloodwork is never entirely good news, there’s hope on the horizon in terms of finally being in a little more sustainable remission for my Wegener’s. My kidney function was severely damaged by the pregnancy and intense flare all those months ago, and I just have to come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably be on some form of medication for my poor, beleaguered organ for the rest of my life. That said, at least I’m alive. I manage to get to work. I’m raising a little boy. I have an outlet here.
My cough was so bad that the SFDD put me on a course of antibiotics, which I hate, but it’s actually cleared everything up and I can breathe again. For the first time in months, I went to work not feeling sick. I’m anemic but there’s not a lot that can be done about it — it’s a side effect of the meds. I’m taking my iron. I’m eating well. I just have to accept the brain fog and endless sleepiness for the foreseeable future.
This weekend, while the RRBB is coughing and my RRHB isn’t feeling terrific, and I’m crossing my fingers, toes, knocking on wood, we might be able to actually do something as a family. We’re all relatively healthy. What a concept! It’s like Christmas Eve during the First World War when both sides were singing carols and put down their guns for a moment. We’re not quite under siege but the holding it at bay — I would do high kicks if I wasn’t so achy and sore.
The fierce nature of the RRBB’s personality is emerging these days. He’s determined, strong-willed, and ridiculously hilarious. I find his language endlessly fascinating. He’s got both his own words for things and has started to pick up some particular words we use all the time. He races around throwing toys and anything else he can get his hands 0n. Hates getting changed and loves books with an abandon that delights me endlessly. At night, I’ll be reading him a story and he’ll have another book open on his lap that he’s reading to himself. He’s double-fisting picture books. One’s just not enough. He glances up at the pictures and then flips the pages of his own book just to keep himself entertained while I get through the pesky words on the page. Then, when we do turn the page, he’s back on the book I’m reading. It cracks me up.
One day last week he simply walked into daycare smiling and not breaking down completely. We drove in both days and there was no stress. We’re still failing a bit when it comes to our own dinners but there’s only so much you can do in a week. I’m trying. I’m eating very well at lunch — lots of homemade soups and salads, it’s good. The next step: back to swimming!
It’s funny, the SFDD was asking me how long I’d been sick, and I told him ever since the baby went into daycare, five or six colds, at least one a month, and he said, “How is your mood?” And I honestly told him that it’s not easy, trying to stay positive, trying to get over it, trying to rest, but at least there’s a bit of balance now, or at least I’m working towards it.
I still marvel every single day that the RRBB has arrived in our lives. He’s a firecracker, popping off in every direction, crashing down into a nap, bounding back up again once he’s rested. He’s predictable and unpredictable at the same time — and that’s the magic for me. How amazing it is to watch this person who is from you grow into themselves a little bit more every day. He’s very independent and curious, a rough and tumble boy who never stops moving, and he’s still so sweet and happy. Like most parents, I kind of feel like I’ve won the lottery, and have to make the choice every single day not to let what’s getting me down get him down.
Spring is almost here. The cottage will soon be opened. We’ll be in paddling pools, the lake, building sand castles, and finding out that there’s little pockets of absolute bliss in everyday if I can simply relax enough to enjoy them.
Oh wow, your little guy is getting so big. I haven’t visited in a while and he’s gone from baby to serious boy. I can imagine him sitting there with his books. wonderful.