Category: ragdoll rambles

Between books. Supposedly on vacation. Spent hours gardening yesterday, which was great, but there’s still so much to be done. Photographs to follow this afternoon while the sun’s still shining and amazing.

It’s been a busy few weeks. I’ve been to 4 conferences in as many weeks and am quite sick of the inside of really large rooms with bottled air. That’s not to say that I’m not thankful to have gone to all of them, but I feel so disconnected with my online life at the moment, and it seems like I’ll never get back on track. Blogging once per day, what’s that? Finding time to upload photos to Flickr, wha? Posting more than a couple silly Twitter tweets, impossible.

Where did it all go so wrong?

Right now I’m so filled up with pet peeves that every sentence coming out of my mouth is filled up with anger and frustration about things I can’t control.

For once, I’m glad it’s raining. Pathetic fallacy at its best. I know all I need is a proper, lying around on the beach vacation, but it’s not feasible these days. I’m also not getting enough exercise — that too is easily rectified.

We had a great, fun weekend, a long weekend, and it was really nice to get out of town in new and adventurous ways. The weather encouraged us to do some antique shopping in Guelph and Mennonite country. And while we didn’t buy anything, we did have a nice day of just driving around looking at junk. How do so many knickknacks exist in this day and age? Why did people buy so much stuff?

Okay. Moaning finished. I’ve got two great books to review, and that’s surely better than moping around in my digital life, isn’t it?

My RRHB’s out and about this morning. He was up and gone before I even contemplated what being awake actually means. Still, hours later, I’m the same. Half-asleep, kind of dazed, and contemplating writing. Not the idea of writing. The actual fingers-to-the-keyboard-get-some-good-work-done-look-at-all-this-time-you-have writing. We have no food in the house, but there’s a grocery store literally next door. Even that effort seems like too much when you had a shitty night’s sleep and your brain remains muddled.

It’s been a busy week. On Thursday night we went to see a rough cut of Small Town Murder Scenes, the film (somewhat) inspired by my RRHB’s second record. Then yesterday we were at The Sixth to see Andrew Penner and The CFL Sessions (Henry Adam Svec). Work’s been predictably crazy and all next week I’m in NYC for work/holiday (first half work; second half weekend getaway).

Funny, I was so taken in by Henry Adam Svec’s CFL Sessions and his delightful storytelling — which caught me off guard — that I found myself uttering, “oh, how nice!” when he started talking about song collecting, archiving music, Lead Belly and the prison system, pure “Music,” and this fictional character of Staunton R. Livingston that I was actually a little upset when my RRHB told me that it wasn’t real. The laughter in the room turned ironic, which isn’t a bad thing, just different from my original interpretation. The music was lovely, aching a little, a bit like Bob Wiseman, and when my RRHB and I were talking about that he said, “Wrench Tuttle wasn’t real either and you love that record.” And I said, “WHAT?” Shows you how much I know.

Andrew Penner came on around 10:30. The photo’s above. He has an uncanny ability to create an entire song’s worth of music by just his voice and a couple of instruments. It sounded like an entire band. I admire that — it’s kind of akin to someone writing much bigger than they are too. Long, luxurious sentences that invoke choruses of people standing behind the writer egging them on.

Yes, I’m tired. But I wrote this sentence sitting in the venue last night. I liked it then, I think it’s kind of cheesy now: “He could learn to live without them, like eyes adjusting to the light, everything would eventually clarify.”

A very intelligent and charming friend of mine recently finished Eat, Pray, Love and came to very different conclusions about it than I did.

Me: “I threw that book across the room it made me so mad. I hate the voice so much.”

She: “But why do you think so many women are reading it and wanting to abandon their lives; shouldn’t you give it a chance just based on that fact alone?”

She is, of course, correct. So. I’m asking you, reading friends, should I give it another chance and if yes, why, and if no, why not?

Things I want from my life at this very moment:

1. Potato chips and dip. Have neither.

2. An Ethan Hawke movie I haven’t seen that doesn’t suck. Will have to settle for Band of Brothers. A most excellent mini-series.

3. Documentation to make my application for a UK Ancestry Visa smooth as silk. Is next to impossible due to the fact that the very relatives I need the documents from are, unfortunately, deceased.

4. A book club.

5. A writing partner to do page-a-day challenges with. Swapping and all.

6. The end to my “cough due to cold” that’s been nagging for two full weeks.

7. More money to donate to charity. Including: Haiti relief (my donation just wasn’t enough) and money to save the Grace Hospital.

8. Someone to find this totally awesome EW article about THE fundamental hip hop songs to have in your library. I’ve looked online; it’s nowhere to be found.

9. To be wittier. We had drinks with delightful friends to celebrate a birthday (not mine). Best quip of the evening: “Capital “F” failure — it’s all downhill from the “a”.” Sigh. I wish I was that funny all the time.

10. I’m wrapping up my January Nonfiction reading with Raj Patel’s excellent The Value of Nothing. Have already started my February is Black History Month reading with Invisible Man. A really good list of perfect BHM reading. Anyone have suggestions?

Life seems to be about the push/pull for me. I’m doing well with the disease — I get struck down by appendicitis. I find a job with people I adore; I get restructured right back out on the street. For every yin, there’s a yang. I’m imagining that’s the way it is with many people in the world. You take your good with your bad and you get on with it. Both my RRHB and I have been felled like a mighty tree by a nasty virus. That’s the yin. I’m still waiting for the yang this week.

As of yesterday, I couldn’t even stand up for longer than a minute or two without feeling weak, nauseous and dribbling snot everywhere. It’s not pretty. Not even a shower could sting the stench of sickness off of either of us. And it’s that tired-achy kind of sickness where your eyes hurt and even reading takes too much energy. Hence, bucketfuls of television and movies have been watched. So, I’m bored, as you can probably tell. Here’s another top 10 list:

1. We sent our money to the Red Cross for Haiti relief. The small amount we gave doesn’t feel like nearly enough but it’s something.

2. Even though our spreadsheet doesn’t necessarily show it, we’re clearly winning in our battle against our budget. Thank you Gail Vaz-Oxlade. There’s no way we can be debt-free in three years (massive renovations = massive debt) but we can try. She’s so right about debt fatigue. I also wish my quiet OCD-like tendencies would stop me obsessing over pennies but at least it’s no longer keeping me up at night now that I’ve created the Best Spread Sheet Ever (based a bit on Gail’s and then some lovely accounting of my own).

3. Ever since I watched this video, I’ve been dying to read Tracy Chevalier‘s latest novel. Of course, when I checked my shelves, I discovered I had her previous novel, Burning Bright, (in hardcover no less) already so I started that yesterday evening.

4. I’ve watched a pile of movies over the last few days. Mainly because neither of us can move from the couches to do, well, anything: Hunger (excellent; disturbing; heart wrenching; shot exceptionally well), Personal Effects (questioning why I will watch Michelle P. in just about anything; love that it’s shot in Vancouver and I recognized so many of the locations that it totally ruined the ‘suspension of disbelief’), The Invention of Lying (super cute and totally underrated as many films Gervais seems to do end up; it’s completely cougarish of me, but I lurv Jonah Hill); and a few more that I’m even forgetting because my brain is mush. After four days of a terrible cold, I’m thinking I need a break from television.

5. Spartacus was far too cheesy for the likes of me. #1. Why are they all so clean and not cold while wearing nothing in the snow? #2. What’s up with the blood being the only colour with texture in the whole of the art direction? #3. Does it ALWAYS have to be in slow motion? #4. Sex, sex, sex, sex, yawn. #5. Rome was 100x better.

6. When you’re sick, your virtual life is way more boring than even your real life.

7. I could really use a donut. I know it’s not good for me but every needs a break from soup.

8. I unwittingly read one of Penguin’s Top 75 this weekend (A Year in the Merde), which means if I were to embark upon that challenge, I’d only have 60-odd books to go. Sigh. Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus with these reading challenges.

9. Sometimes, I wish I had a place to be anonymous, totally anonymous, and rant about things. Uncensored. Like Conan in his last week on NBC. I’d keep it classy, too. Maybe.

10. The days are very long when you’re coughing like a freight train.

Both my RRHB and I have been struck by the nasty cold going around. We woke up this morning feeling faint, coughing, and feverish. Right now, I’m all achy and exhausted, meaning the last thing I want to do is sit down at the computer and write. Except the weekends, Saturdays in particular, remains the only time I can squeeze out of the seven days to get anything done for me. And by ‘for me,’ I mean work on the book, blog, read, conquer a to-do list.

1. I’ve been reading The Value of Nothing by Raj Patel. Today I learned that, “the energy cost of the 550 million Big Macs sold in the United States every year is $297 million, producing a greenhouse gas footprint of 2.66 billion pounds of C02 equivalent” (emphasis mine; 44). That’s certainly not cheap food by any standards.

2. I had decided that January was non-fiction month. I finished up A Year in the Merde, loaned to me by a co-worker, thinking it was a memoir. Oops.

3. Opening up my virtual drawer where the novel has sat for many, many months was both freeing and panic-inducing. It’s almost time for me to put it out into the world. I’m terrified of this — but I can’t hold on to it for much longer. One more draft and I’m ready to take the plunge to try to find an agent. Given the state of Canadian publishing, I know this won’t be easy.

4. My emotional state vacillated so much this week — from elation to heart-pulling sadness, from determination to abandonment. And then I had lunch with a sweet, good friend who has had a very, very hard time over the last little while. Perspective, the giants say, is everything.

5. Dinner parties are the new house parties in my life. I think I might try to have them once a month, if that works, for two reasons: 1) we have some amazing people in our lives and 2) I like cooking. Pleasure is just that simple.

6. Work is the new holiday. Since I lost all my holiday time due to illness last year, I think I’m in a funk — I’m craving a proper holiday. More than a week. Somewhere that takes an effort to get to. Sightseeing. Walking. Sleeping. For the first time in my life, it’s kind of an unaffordable luxury. Our house is our holiday at the moment. We made the choice, as my RRHB said the other night, to buy and fix up the house. But I’m a selfish girl, sometimes I want to do what I want to do…even if it’s not in our budget. However, we’re sticking to our budgets.

7. Swimming during the week is the new eating lunch at my desk.

8. The weather has almost been warm enough to garden. Or at least consider the idea of gardening.

9. Our Niagara Falls mini-break (one night’s stay in a hotel; The Family Stone show at the Niagara Casino) was exceptionally fun. I highly recommend going with the flow.

10. Being a vegan is impossible.